his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
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Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
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Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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