I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
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i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
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I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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