a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize