well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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