Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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