I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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