Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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