Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
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Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
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Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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