I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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