they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
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hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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