They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
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And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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