Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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