my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
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He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
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In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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