I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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