I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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