This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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