Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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