I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
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The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
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Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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