I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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