his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
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You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize