I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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