I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
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i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
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you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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