the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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