we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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