I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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