Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think I just shit out all my problems.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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