actually, I'm a sock model
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
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I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
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