My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize