Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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