you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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