Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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