just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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