I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
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I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
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You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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