You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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