How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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