In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize