Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
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I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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