I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
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I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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