Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize