We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
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He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
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I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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