you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woke up backwards on a recliner
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize