nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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