you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He passed out mid-signature
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize