I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
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Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
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i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
we should paint friendship bongs
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