but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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