Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize