can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
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I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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