I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
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I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
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A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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