You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
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He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
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Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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