I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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